Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Call of Duty Black Ops 2 and You: Could it Happen - Part 2

Could it happen?

Welcome back to Call of Duty Black Ops 2 and You. Where we examine whether its arcane plot, in which anonymous hackers attack the US with our own robots, could actually happen - and if you need to be prepared for it.

Here's a refresher!

Last time we debunked the myth of military robot IQ. This time we'll examine why you need to worry less about the current generation of remote controlled robo-warriors and more about Terminator's Skynet. Because...

Reason 2: Robots don't arm robots, people do.

You might think that the Army, Air Force and Navy just leave robots lying around chock full of fuel and high explosives. (And, if you do, I might think that you have the mind of a twelve year old.) But they don't.

In 'bot we trust.
Just like guns, tanks and other awesome stuff, the armed forces keep their bots securely locked up sans armaments. So the odds of your average Predator strolling out to the flight line, taking off, flying 250 miles and bombing the crap out of downtown LA with Hellfire missiles on its own are pretty damn slim.

Even in combat zones, heavy equipment is not usually stored fully-armed and fueled, save for a few quick response units. Bring it home to the USA, and you're more likely to find a pre-schooler packing heat than a Predator.

So even if hackers did seize control, in a truth first recognized by The Simpsons years ago and best represented in the following nut-job conspiracy video, it takes support personnel (read, "people." -ed.) to pump the gas, maintain the motors, plug in the batteries, hang the bombs, arm the missiles and load the ammo.

It's a Simp-spiracy!

All of which adds up to an official "Call of Duty Black Ops 2 Plot-Line Threat Level: 0." You needn't fear a hacker-guided robo-mob showing up at your door unannounced any time soon. Instead, worry more about Terminator's hypothetical Skynet battle control system. It's autonomous. It thinks on its own. And, in theory, it actually has its electronic finger on the proverbial button. 

Sleep tight!

(Or enjoy these fine photos of people doing unspeakably mundane things to robots. You know, whatever...)

Predator waits.
Mostly Harmless.

Jumping off the deck, and shoving into overdrive-ive...
Somewhere in the Indian Ocean...

Those bombs aren't going to hang themselves, people.
Wrench wenches.

Sunset of the humanities.
If you could hear it, it'd sound like Kenny Loggins.

Next up? The final installment...