PAL SURVIVAL TEAM #4: JENNIFER WALTERS, SHE-HULK AT LAW

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Welcome to the PAL Survival Team.

A running dossier/celebration of the men, women and giant green hotties you want on your side when Justice stops prevailing... And starts getting real.

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PAL SURVIVAL TEAM #4:
Jennifer Walters, Marvel's She-Hulk at Law

Given that the average Lawyer spends an average of a billion years in school, most of us are pretty damn smart. However, come SHTF, brains may not matter a wit without the muscle to back it up. Hence, I hereby nominate Jennifer Walters, AKA: The Incredible She-Hulk, as the newest member of the PAL Survival Team.

The Argument:

Exhibit A: While she lives the life of a meek, mild-mannered attorney at the prestigious firm of Goodman, Lieber, Kurtzberg and Holliway by day, she also boasts the stones, the hawt arse and the incredible strength to impress not only the jury, but a higher power... the Fantastic Four. (You go girl. -ed.)

Now that's a finding.

Exhibit B: She debated Wonder Woman in open court and won.

Persuasive.

Exhibit C: She crushed it on the catwalk. Literally.

(Yes, the catwalk.)

Exhibit D: She used her new "assets" to make the biznitches at her ten year reunion her bitch. And who doesn't love doing that?

It's a Lawyer speciality.

The biggest objection to She-Hulk joining the team? I'm told she's not real...

Or is she?!

Nope.

Case closed.

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Image Ref: Marvel.com

She-Hulk and related properties are ™ & © Marvel & Subs.

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BUNKER LIKE THE PROS WITH THE ARMY SPECIAL FORCES FIELD MANUAL

Say you're going up against a zombie hoard. Or a ravaging alien army. Or the Canadians. You want to make sure your hidey hole is properly sited, constructed and protected. You want to make sure your walls are thick enough and your mortars are mortary enough.

Fortunately for you, savvy suburban survivalist, Public Intelligence now offers Army Field Manual (FM) 3-05.230 Special Forces Tactical Facilities online. And it's totes free.

With most everything you need to know about modern battlefield fortifications, it sure beats the hell out of The Big Bear Cub Scout Book.


The Verdict: My office has never been more secure. Or dusty.
Stupid sandbags...

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PAL Survival Team #3: Michelle "The First Lady" Obama

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Welcome to the PAL Survival Team. A running dossier/celebration of the men, women and non-elected representatives you want on your side when Justice stops prevailing... And starts getting real.

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PAL Survival Team #3:

Michelle "The First Lady" Obama

In light of last week's 40th anniversary of Title IX, the upcoming July 4th holiday and the historic SCOTUS Affordable Care Act ("Obamacare") affirmation, I hereby anoint the one woman who embodies them all: Michelle Obama, the first female member of the PAL Survival Team. (The First Lady? Get it? Yeah...)

Now, before all my right-leaning friends with guns start raising a ruckus about this ballsy nomination, let's run through the reasoning - keeping in mind that, when society falls and you're scrounging for the smallest sip of non-irradiated water to satisfy your thirst to survive, your stance on capital gains isn't going to matter a whole lot. Now, with that delightful image in your head, are you ready? Here we go!

Reason #1: She's a proud product of Title IX, and she packs the guns to prove it.

Ticket to the gun show? Yes, plz.

(Sorry, Ellen.)

Reason #2: Her mind cradles a bountiful cornucopia of organic farming knowledge.

For us to eat on?

Reason #3: She's got the keys to the most well-hidden, well-stocked and well-defended bunkers in the world. (Flying or otherwise, baby.)

Crazy town.

Still raising a ruckus now? I didn't think so...




Photo reference: Wendy Piersall via Flickr.com. Used under Creative Commons.

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PAL Survival Team #2: Judge Dredd

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Welcome to the PAL Survival Team. A running dossier/celebration of the men, women and chief law givers you want on your side when Justice stops prevailing... And starts getting real.

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PAL Survival Team #2: Judge Dredd

When the dust settles in the fiery wasteland we’re destined to inherit, we’re going to need someone to regulate the violence and anarchy. Why settle on some who can merely enforce the law, when you can have someone who IS the law?

We get it. You're The Law.

Fortunately, as you may have heard, Judge Joseph Dredd is the law. Armed with his Lawgiver pistol, he’s been bringing justice to the fictional streets of Mega-City since, like, the 1970s or so. Exactly the kind of experience we'll need, as, let’s face it, it’s only a matter of time before we're sporting self-driving motorcycles and conflated notions of law-giving and fact-finding, too.

Plus, is it just me, or does Judge Dredd look uncannily like the guy who lost to and then beat the great Apollo Creed before beating Mr. T and then the guy who killed Apollo Creed?

Not the Law.

If it is the same guy, his knowledge of advanced robotics would be indispensable.

Rocky IV: A Plot Line Too Far.

Seriously. Who wouldn’t want this guy on their post-apocalyptic survival team?

(Obviously IDW Publishing does. To celebrate the 35th Anniversary of our favorite Law Giver, they're teaming up with 2000 AD to launch of new line of Judge Dredd Comics starting later this year.)

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PAL Survival Team #1: Abraham "Ass Kicker Abe" Lincoln

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Welcome to the PAL Survival Team. A running dossier/celebration of the men, women and zombie presidents that you want on your side when Justice stops prevailing... And starts getting real.

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PAL Survival Team #1: Abraham Lincoln

If my poorly-funded public school education has taught me anything, it's that Illinois super-lawyer, Abraham "16th President of the United States" Lincoln, is best defined via an over-simplified list of accomplishments (to be memorized and quizzed at a later date). For instance, in one lifetime alone he...

• Grew up in a log cabin
• Freed the slaves
• United a nation
• Rawked a stovepipe hat
• And graced a coin that's worth less than it costs to make

All mighty feats deserving of recognition, right? Wrong. Because, if pop culture has taught me anything, ol' Honest Abe also kicked some serious ass:

He invented the WWF...

He rap battled Chuck Norris...

And he hunted vampires with his bare hands.

Which is precisely why Abe Lincoln is the proud inaugural member of the PAL Survival Team.

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