Monday, April 30, 2012

PAL Survival Team #1: Abraham "Ass Kicker Abe" Lincoln

Survival Team

Welcome to the PAL Survival Team. A running dossier/celebration of the men, women and zombie presidents that you want on your side when Justice stops prevailing... And starts getting real.

PAL Survival Team #1: Abraham Lincoln

Badass in Chief
If my poorly-funded public school education has taught me anything, it's that Illinois super-lawyer, Abraham "16th President of the United States" Lincoln, is best defined via an over-simplified list of accomplishments (to be memorized and quizzed at a later date). For instance, in one lifetime alone he...
  • Grew up in a log cabin
  • Freed the slaves
  • United a nation
  • Rawked a stovepipe hat
  • And graced a coin that's worth less than it costs to make
All mighty feats deserving of recognition, right? Wrong. Because, if pop culture has taught me anything, ol' Honest Abe also kicked some serious ass:

He invented the WWF...

He rap battled Chuck Norris...

And he hunted vampires with his bare hands.

Which is precisely why Abe Lincoln is the proud inaugural member of the PAL Survival Team.