CNN recently reported most excellent news!According to North Korean State Media, the young, fresh-faced Dear Leader of North Korea, the honorable Kim Jong Un, has taken a bride!
Due to high-level bureaucratic obligations, I've just now received eyes-only access to the royal couple's most wonderful wedding registry. So what does one get a budding President for Life and his lovely wife in celebration of their stately nuptials? Let's take a look inside...
If Bethel, Alaska can airdrop a Taco Bell taco truck, why not Pyongyang?
Nothing says First World nation worthy of being taken seriously like a stockpile of space-ready astronaut ice cream and rocket fuel.
Commiserate the happy couple's special day with two of their favorite idols immortalized forever in one single over-priced, plastic trinket.
Dear Leader Kim Jong Un, a fearless cyber warrior and National Asset in his own right, cannot go unprotected - particularly when battling the capitalist swine on their own turf... the most dastardly and dangerous digital world of xBox Live.
Crafted from rich, supple pewter. (The bauble metal of Kings! -ed.) Because when you cravey gravy, there's only one way a traditionalist President for Life rolls.
Preferably used, like this tired attempt at humor.
Got a gift to add? Shout out at @PstApclyptcLwyr on Twitter.