A running dossier/celebration of the men, women and giant green hotties you want on your side when Justice stops prevailing... And starts getting real.
PAL SURVIVAL TEAM #4: Jennifer Walters, Marvel's She-Hulk at Law
Given that the average Lawyer spends an average of a billion years in school, most of us are pretty damn smart. However, come SHTF, brains may not matter a wit without the muscle to back it up. Hence, I hereby nominate Jennifer Walters, AKA: The Incredible She-Hulk, as the newest member of the PAL Survival Team.
The Argument:
Exhibit A: While she lives the life of a meek, mild-mannered attorney at the prestigious firm of Goodman, Lieber, Kurtzberg and Holliway by day, she also boasts the stones, the hawt arse and the incredible strength to impress not only the jury, but a higher power... the Fantastic Four. (You go girl. -ed.)
Now that's a finding.
Exhibit B: She debated Wonder Woman in open court and won.
Persuasive.
Exhibit C: She crushed it on the catwalk. Literally.
(Yes, the catwalk.)
Exhibit D: She used her new "assets" to make the biznitches at her ten year reunion her bitch. And who doesn't love doing that?
It's a Lawyer speciality.
The biggest objection to She-Hulk joining the team? I'm told she's not real...
Welcome to the PAL Survival Team. A running dossier/celebration of the men, women and chief law givers you want on your side when Justice stops prevailing... And starts getting real.
PAL Survival Team #2: Judge Dredd
When the dust settles in the fiery wasteland we’re destined to inherit, we’re going to need someone to regulate the violence and anarchy. Why settle on some who can merely enforce the law, when you can have someone who IS the law?
We get it. You're The Law.
Fortunately, as you may have heard, Judge Joseph Dredd is the law. Armed with his Lawgiver pistol, he’s been bringing justice to the fictional streets of Mega-City since, like, the 1970s or so. Exactly the kind of experience we'll need, as, let’s face it, it’s only a matter of time before we're sporting self-driving motorcycles and conflated notions of law-giving and fact-finding, too.
Plus, is it just me, or does Judge Dredd look uncannily like the guy who lost to and then beat the great Apollo Creed before beating Mr. T and then the guy who killed Apollo Creed?
Not the Law.
If it is the same guy, his knowledge of advanced robotics would be indispensable.
Rocky IV: A Plot Line Too Far.
Seriously. Who wouldn’t want this guy on their post-apocalyptic survival team?
(Obviously IDW Publishing does. To celebrate the 35th Anniversary of our favorite Law Giver, they're teaming up with 2000 AD to launch of new line of Judge Dredd Comics starting later this year.)
Welcome back to Call of Duty Black Ops 2 and You. Where we examine whether its arcane plot, in which anonymous hackers attack the US with our own robots, could actually happen - and if you need to be prepared for it.
Here's a refresher!
Last time we debunked the myth of military robot IQ. This time we'll examine why you need to worry less about the current generation of remote controlled robo-warriors and more about Terminator's Skynet. Because...
Reason 2: Robots don't arm robots, people do.
You might think that the Army, Air Force and Navy just leave robots lying around chock full of fuel and high explosives. (And, if you do, I might think that you have the mind of a twelve year old.) But they don't.
Just like guns, tanks and other awesome stuff, the armed forces keep their bots securely locked up sans armaments. So the odds of your average Predator strolling out to the flight line, taking off, flying 250 miles and bombing the crap out of downtown LA with Hellfire missiles on its own are pretty damn slim.
Even in combat zones, heavy equipment is not usually stored fully-armed and fueled, save for a few quick response units. Bring it home to the USA, and you're more likely to find a pre-schooler packing heat than a Predator.
So even if hackers did seize control, in a truth first recognized by The Simpsons years ago and best represented in the following nut-job conspiracy video, it takes support personnel (read, "people." -ed.) to pump the gas, maintain the motors, plug in the batteries, hang the bombs, arm the missiles and load the ammo.
It's a Simp-spiracy!
All of which adds up to an official "Call of Duty Black Ops 2 Plot-Line Threat Level: 0." You needn't fear a hacker-guided robo-mob showing up at your door unannounced any time soon. Instead, worry more about Terminator's hypothetical Skynet battle control system. It's autonomous. It thinks on its own. And, in theory, it actually has its electronic finger on the proverbial button.
Sleep tight!
(Or enjoy these fine photos of people doing unspeakably mundane things to robots. You know, whatever...)
Mostly Harmless.
Somewhere in the Indian Ocean...
Wrench wenches.
If you could hear it, it'd sound like Kenny Loggins.
You have two months until the worst experience of your life. Will you make it to the big day, or are you doomed before the clock even starts? Take our practice test to find out…
1)How many hours of sleep are you getting per night?
a.Four.
b.Six.
c.Sleep?
d.Under Miranda v Arizona, I don’t have to answer that.
2)The other students in my bar review course are:
a.Smart.
b.Not smart.
c.Conspiring against me.
d.Imaginary.
3)How do you plan on spending the night between the exam days?
a.Drinking.
b.Praying.
c.Studying.
d.Oh s***! There are two days?!
4)At common law, the elements of a contract are:
a.Offer and acceptance.
b.Offer, acceptance, intent, and consideration.
c.Offer, acceptance, and consideration.
d.Offer, acceptance, and calligraphy.
5)Which of the following is NOT a concept of property law?
a.Tenancy in common.
b.Tenancy by the entirety.
c.Tenancy at will.
d.Calling “dibs.”
6)Which Amendment protects against unreasonable search and seizure?
a.Second.
b.Seventh.
c.Fourth.
d.Eleventy-First.
7)How many practice exams are you taking per week?
a.Two.
b.One.
c.Three.
d.Words With Friends is basically like a practice exam, right?
8)How many total hours do you plan on spending on studying?
a.250.
b.300.
c.350.
d.How many hours are in three consecutive all-nighters?
9)True or false: I have been actually writing out essay answers to prepare for six straight hours of writing.
a.True.
b.False.
c.I’m not worried about my shootin’ hand.
10)True or false: I am secretly planning to fake my death rather than take the bar exam.
a.True.
b.True.
Answer Key: There’s no easy answer to studying for the bar. Put in the time and the work, and you have a good shot at succeeding. Then comes the real test: waiting for the results.
The new Call of Duty Black Ops 2 trailer is out, and there seems to be a wild rumpus on the internets about whether or not its plot, involving hacked military robots attacking the US, is too sci-fi be a realistic Call of Duty game.
Newsflash, Interwebs. It's a game. It's never been realistic. So, rather than besiege the message boards with pointless sniping, let's ask the bigger question:
Could this hacker-fueled apocalyptic vision actually happen - AND do you need to prepare your Clients in the event that it does.
While your average sensationalist Fox News anchor may say yes, I say no. Here's why...
Reason 1: Our robots just don't pack that much heat.
While I have yet to play the game (it hasn't been released), the official trailer seems to show massive gun-toting quadrapeds, high-speed fighter jets and MG-packing quad rotors shooting up greater Los Angeles. These simply don't exist in today's operational arsenal.
Most robotic weapons systems today are used in reconnaissance and assistance roles. That means taking pictures, exploring potentially dangerous locations and generally doing things you'd rather not - or can't - send a human to do.
Most are remote controlled or human assisted. And most don't pack a single shred of real offensive combat capability. The largest operational units by sheer numbers, the Foster-Miller TALON explosive ordnance disposal bot and the Packbot (made by iRobot, the company that brought you such terrifying devices as the Roomba!), are good examples. Cute. Slow. And nothing more than glorified remote control cars. Like your average video game, they do their jobs based on inputs from a human operator; sometimes using an actual xBox controller.
There are always exceptions to the rule, of course. The armed TALON "SWORDS" variant was deployed to Iraq. However, three SAW-equipped remote controlled mini-tanks that have yet to fire a shot in anger do not a statistically significant threat make.
The Predator and it's bigger, meaner brother, Reaper, on the other hand, are whole different winged beasts. Able to orbit undetected high above the battlefield, they pack a pretty nasty compliment of operator-activated laser guided bombs and Hellfire missiles. Thankfully, not in US airspace. Or in the numbers needed to decimate downtown LA. (So put your military surplus Stinger away, Suburban Rambo. No need to worry.)
Welcome to the PAL Survival Team. A running dossier/celebration of the men, women and zombie presidents that you want on your side when Justice stops prevailing... And starts getting real.
PAL Survival Team #1: Abraham Lincoln
If my poorly-funded public school education has taught me anything, it's that Illinois super-lawyer, Abraham "16th President of the United States" Lincoln, is best defined via an over-simplified list of accomplishments (to be memorized and quizzed at a later date). For instance, in one lifetime alone he...
Grew up in a log cabin
Freed the slaves
United a nation
Rawked a stovepipe hat
And graced a coin that's worth less than it costs to make
All mighty feats deserving of recognition, right? Wrong. Because, if pop culture has taught me anything, ol' Honest Abe also kicked some serious ass:
He invented the WWF...
He rap battled Chuck Norris...
And he hunted vampires with his bare hands.
Which is precisely why Abe Lincoln is the proud inaugural member of the PAL Survival Team.
Federal Rule 26(a)(1)(A)(v) [Amended July 15, 2023]:
Duty to Disclose; General Provisions Governing Discovery
(a) Required Disclosures.
(1) Initial Disclosures.
(A) In General. Except as exempted by Rule 26(a)(1)(B) or as otherwise stipulated or ordered by the court, a party must, without awaiting a discovery request, provide to the other parties:
***
(v) the location and description of any and all long-range tactical nuclear and/or chemical weapons that the disclosing party may use to support its claims or defenses.
A homeowner whose lawnmower broke down started borrowing his neighbor's mower one day per week to mow his lawn. One week, the homeowner borrowed the lawnmower from his neighbor, who was not home at the time. Unfortunately, the neighbor had drained the oil from the lawnmower without the homeowner's knowledge. The homeowner ran the lawnmower for an hour, completely destroying the motor. The mower cost $250 when the homeowner took it. The cost of repairing the mower is $150, and a new mower would cost $400.
If the neighbor sues the homeowner, what should the court do?
(A) Award the neighbor $250 and allow the homeowner to keep the mower.
(B) Award the neighbor $150 and order the homeowner to return the mower.
(C) Award the neighbor $0, but only if the neighbor had specifically agreed to let the homeowner borrow the mower when the neighbor was not home.
(D) Permit the litigants to fight to the death using the neighbor's remaining lawn and garden tools.
The stock market collapsed. Then the credit market collapsed. Then the housing market collapsed. Then actual houses collapsed. Suddenly, a law degree isn't what it used to be.
It's a brave new world of jurisprudence out there. The kind of world in which a brave new kind of lawyer will rise:
The Post-Apocalyptic Lawyer.
Let this site be your guide to surviving, lawyering and living the PAL way. With great gear reviews and discoveries, fitness-minded info and even a little hilarity to brighten your day, you'll stand ready to take on the new American legal wasteland in no time.
