Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The post in which I approve vehicles based on stock tire choice alone

Approved!

Yes, the wasteland is a cruel mistress.

Out here, you might think that your shiny, new all-wheel-drive Cadillac Escalade or Mercedes G-Class will graciously deliver you to your next Client meeting in sumptuous safety... But, come rocky crag or stick-wielding 99-percenter, and you'll be sadly mistaken, friend.

Stock street tires, even ostensibly "off-road" rated rubber, are not what you want under you when society collapses (again). You want super strong TriGard sidewalls. You want ultra-long wear life. You want the roughest, toughest and tread-liest donuts you can find. We're talking about BF Goodrich All-Terrains.

Ergo, I hereby approve the top three dealer-ready, OEM vehicles based entirely on stock tire choice alone. Not disconnecting sway bars. Not integrated winch bumpers. Not lunatic color options (Looking at you, Jeep). Just pure, sweet rubber:


#3) Toyota FJ Cruiser TRD

PAL APPROVED: LT265/75R16 BF Goodrich All-Terrain
While the imports are dealing with the aftermath of a dangerously exposed supply chain, adding an uncertain flair to your long-term reliability prospects, there's no denying Toyota's taste in tires. Buff your average FJ with the factory-installed TRD or Trail Teams package and you're well on your way to executive parking dominance. (Not to mention, dead sexiness.)

Low, low financing.

#2) Ram Powerwagon 2500

PAL APPROVED: LT285/70R17D BF Goodrich All-Terrain
There are pickups, and then there is Powerwagon. Packing 33-inch tall All-Terrains, it's bigger, badass-er and nearly guaranteed-er to get you through the toughest terrain imaginable. (Even Detroit. -ed.) And that's even before you factor in the lift kit, HEMI power and integrated winch.

Rawr.

#1) Jeep Wrangler Rubicon/Call of Duty/Mountain/Arctic/Et Al. 

PAL APPROVED: LT255/75R17 BF Goodrich Mud Terrain KM
Because the baddest A/T on the market wasn't quite bad enough, legend has it that Jeep commissioned a special version of its big brother, the Mud Terrain KM, specifically for the Wrangler Rubicon. And, as they're slapping it on every badge-enhanced special edition they can crank out, it looks like the head honchos at Jeep are taking full advantage.

Rumored to be a little slippery on wet roads, there's nothing better when the byway goes bye-bye. (And the guys with guns say hello...) Its wide, deep tread channels are designed to quickly displace mud, but the real attraction is its toothy, blocky side treads. A step above the All-Terrain, they're one of the scariest looking tires you can buy. Scary awesome.



And then the guns come out...


Conclusion

What do you do if you want that new car smell (with the accompanying new car warranty) and can't afford mid-30's on your vastly reduced post-apocalyptic credit line? Buy a bargain basement Jeep Liberty and slap a set of Rugged Terrains on it. The interns will never know the difference.



Did we nail it or did we bail it? Sound off on Twitter @PstApclyptcLwyr.


Headline Image Source: indigoprime on flickr.com. Used under Creative Commons.