Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The post in which I approve vehicles based on stock tire choice alone


Yes, the wasteland is a cruel mistress.

Out here, you might think that your shiny, new all-wheel-drive Cadillac Escalade or Mercedes G-Class will graciously deliver you to your next Client meeting in sumptuous safety... But, come rocky crag or stick-wielding 99-percenter, and you'll be sadly mistaken, friend.

Stock street tires, even ostensibly "off-road" rated rubber, are not what you want under you when society collapses (again). You want super strong TriGard sidewalls. You want ultra-long wear life. You want the roughest, toughest and tread-liest donuts you can find. We're talking about BF Goodrich All-Terrains.

Ergo, I hereby approve the top three dealer-ready, OEM vehicles based entirely on stock tire choice alone. Not disconnecting sway bars. Not integrated winch bumpers. Not lunatic color options (Looking at you, Jeep). Just pure, sweet rubber:

#3) Toyota FJ Cruiser TRD

PAL APPROVED: LT265/75R16 BF Goodrich All-Terrain
While the imports are dealing with the aftermath of a dangerously exposed supply chain, adding an uncertain flair to your long-term reliability prospects, there's no denying Toyota's taste in tires. Buff your average FJ with the factory-installed TRD or Trail Teams package and you're well on your way to executive parking dominance. (Not to mention, dead sexiness.)

Low, low financing.

#2) Ram Powerwagon 2500

PAL APPROVED: LT285/70R17D BF Goodrich All-Terrain
There are pickups, and then there is Powerwagon. Packing 33-inch tall All-Terrains, it's bigger, badass-er and nearly guaranteed-er to get you through the toughest terrain imaginable. (Even Detroit. -ed.) And that's even before you factor in the lift kit, HEMI power and integrated winch.


#1) Jeep Wrangler Rubicon/Call of Duty/Mountain/Arctic/Et Al. 

PAL APPROVED: LT255/75R17 BF Goodrich Mud Terrain KM
Because the baddest A/T on the market wasn't quite bad enough, legend has it that Jeep commissioned a special version of its big brother, the Mud Terrain KM, specifically for the Wrangler Rubicon. And, as they're slapping it on every badge-enhanced special edition they can crank out, it looks like the head honchos at Jeep are taking full advantage.

Rumored to be a little slippery on wet roads, there's nothing better when the byway goes bye-bye. (And the guys with guns say hello...) Its wide, deep tread channels are designed to quickly displace mud, but the real attraction is its toothy, blocky side treads. A step above the All-Terrain, they're one of the scariest looking tires you can buy. Scary awesome.