DISCOVERIES: JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE TRAILHAWK SPECIAL EDITION

Take a stroll through the executive parking lot. What do you see? Mercedes? Bavaria's finest? A Lexus or three? With nary an American badge in view, all I see is a travesty.

Fortunately, Jeep® has seen fit to oblige the domestic 1% (especially us down-and-dirty, hoity-toity types) with a true American contender: the Grand Cherokee Trailhawk(TM) special edition.

By their own words, it's "the most awe-inspiring, most extraordinarily capable Grand Cherokee ever conceived." Tall words, yes. Insanely over-promising words, also yes. But judging by the following truncated list of bitchin' features, I'm inclined to agree. Check it:

• Quadra-Lift® adjustable height suspension
• Quadra-Trac II® full-time four wheel-drive with low range
• Selec-Terrain® traction control with five driving modes
• Off-Road Adventure Group II
• Skid-plate and rock-rail protection
• Flame-red front tow hooks
• Goodyear Silent Armor Kevlar® Tires
• Slush mats
• Anodized silver-painted interior trim
• Leather trim wrapped steering wheel
• Suede/leather trim seats with red accent stitching
• Black hood applique (For "glare reduction," no doubt... -ed.)
• Ginormous badging
• General badassery

Finally, you can flaunt your American-bred off-road cred about the country club without derision - or the flies in your teeth style - that comes with dropping your janky-arse trail rig at the valet. And, if the prestige of the hefty equipment-induced MSRP doesn't do it for you, the pride points just keep coming...

Actually imported from Detroit.

As a primary benefactor of Uncle Obama's benevolence, each and every one of these bad boys rolls off the Connor Avenue assembly line in Detroit, Michigan. Making this particular Grand Cherokee variant the product of American knowhow, grizzled union craftsmen and jingoistic flag-waving determination. Just the pedigree needed to smash through G-Wagons and LX-whositiswatsits with pride in your chest and a giant Trailhawk badge on your arse. Go us. 

(Bonus points if you can ID the controversial song in the above ad. -ed.)

The Verdict: The things we make, make us. And the Jeep Grand Cherokee Trailhawk is a pretty awesome thing we make.

MSRP: Starting at $41,995

Get more here: The 2013 Jeep Grand Cherokee Trailhawk

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DISCOVERIES: 8 BIT BOOKS

As an irrational iPhone 5 mania sweeps the nation and my inbox runneth over with lolcats, isn't it about time we stepped back to a simpler time? When "social" meant face time, not Facebook. When "notes" meant paper and a fine ballpoint pen. When 8-bit music was 8-bit music because it was actually 8-bit music...

Well, lo-fi friends, look no further than the simple irony of 8 Bit Books on Etsy.com. Fight back against digital doom with notebooks crafted from actual, de-constructed Nintendo cartridges.

From Mario Brothers to Skate or Die, from Fester's Quest to Wrestlemania, they're all here in a form practically guaranteed to grind any status meeting to a halt. (Not to mention, catch the 80's-bred eye of Jill from Accounting. Wink. -ed.)

Per the pictures, craftsmanship looks like it could err a little on the loose side. However, if you're looking for the ultimate irony, that patina of love - with a delicious dash of hand-crafted sawce - will give your Super Mario super doodles even more old skool street cred. And who doesn't like that?

Best of all, these babies aren't Chinese reseller leftovers. Oh, no, they're recycled for your anti-hero hipster pleasure in greater Detroit, USA. (Or what's left of it, anyway... -ed.)

Iconically Ironic.

This is where the words go.

Make it so.

 The Verdict: If irony is art, frame these biznitches and toss 'em on your wall. Or use 'em to take notes like your grandpappy did... with a damn pen. You know, whatever....

Price: Averaging between $12-$15

Get 'em here: 8 Bit Books on Etsy

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10 REASONS NBC'S REVOLUTION DOESN'T SUCK LIKE YOU THINK IT WILL

 

The video above is the recently released pilot of NBC's Revolution. And the ungrateful trolls orbiting the darker comment sectors of the nerdly interwebs seem to have a quibble with it.

Well, after a delightful 45 minutes, or so, of pleasant viewing during my lunch hour, I'm here to stand up for Revolution with ten incredibly well-reasoned counterpoints - whether JJ Abrams likes it or not. (Caution, possible spoilers ahead. -ed.)

#10) It's post-apocalyptic done positive.

There's light at the end of the tunnel. People aren't dropping dead of plague the whole time. It's not about the beginning of the end, it's the path to a new beginning. Despite the setting, the story is a bard's tale of a quest for rebirth, not the death of civilization. Something we're woefully lacking lately... Not pointing fingers, CNN. (He's totally pointing fingers. -ed.)

#9) Giancarlo Esposito's Capt. Neveille is wicked good fun.

Friendly, yet icy. Handsome, yet frightening. Gentlemanly, yet psychopathic. His character is the prime time television friendly version of Christoph Waltz's Col. Hans Landa in Inglourious Basterds. And he's deliciously vile. One of the best characters you'll see this season. No, I don't have a man crush on him. Yet.

#8) It totally rips off the best parts of every other post-apocalyptic tale and doesn't give two shits.

The Hunger Games, The Postman, Road Warrior, I am Legend, et cetera, et cetera and stuff and junk. You name it, it's here. Hell, if you look shallow enough there's even a whole pound o' Tolkien's Lord of the Rings going on in there. And I'm ok with that. Just because it doesn't have an original bone it it's focus group scripted body doesn't mean it's friggin' fun and worth an hour of my time vs. the alternative:

The alternative.

#7) It makes you think.

"Gosh, what would I do?" you'll ponder. "I'd definitely be one of the tough, peace-loving survivors living a simpler life and farming corn in my McMansion's living room." Guess what, you won't be. But it's ok to think about it anyway. Now get off your iPhone and do some pushups, softy.

#6) It's a western with crossbows and totally out of context Desert Eagles.

And who doesn't love that.

#5) Tracy Spiridakos, starring as Charlie, actually looks like she could kick your schlumpy couch potato ass.

Whoever keeps sticking stick-thin, bag o' bones Summer Glau in TV shows where she pretends to be a female action lead needs to be strapped in an uncomfortable chair via duct tape and forced to watch Revolution until their colon bleeds. (No, I have no idea how that's possible.) Charlie is a fun character. Relatable, tough, attractive. And she actually looks like can kick your ass if she wanted to. No, she's not ripped. No, she's not Jessica Biel or Kate Beckinsale - and, believe me, I love a little Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale in skin tight latex - but she's believable and fun to watch. And that's just nice for a change. K?

Gratuitous Biel.

#4) It's not all hyper-realistic, uber-gritty and super-serious-look-at-me-I'm-making-serious-cinema-here-peopley.

You work hard, right? So sometimes you just want to kick back with a High Life, suspend a little disbelief, have a little fun and not want to slit your wrist after an evening of prime time viewing. Am I right? Of course I am.

That's the High Lifes.

#3) There are no zombies.

I love a good zombie flick. But they're played. Done. Finito. Revolution is proof positive you don't have to manufacture danger via some stumbling imbeciles sporting chintzy halloween masks your prop department picked up a Spencer's going out of business sale. Same goes for aliens, Falling Skies. Good riddance.

#2) The story isn't built to create the world, the world is actually a setting for the story.

I can't explain this. But it just feels right for a change. Go ahead and argue, but I won't listen because I don't give a flying fudge. (Keep it clean. -ed.)

#1) I hate JJ Abrams. But I don't hate this.

And that's a good thing.



Did I hail it? Or did I fail it? Leave your comment below.

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LEARNING TO (BAREFOOT) RUN: THE SAUCONY HATTORI AW REVIEW

I met the current trend of minimalist footwear with a heavy dose of skepticism, tempered with an ounce of curiosity and shaken over ice with a splash of incredulity, served on the rocks with a spring of “that seems like an awful lot for a shoe made out of nothing.”

As an attorney, my default mindset is that any revolutionary new footwear is probably a class action lawsuit waiting to happen (see, e.g., Skechers Shape-ups). Based on my experience with running, less padding almost certainly would mean more joint pain.

But when I had a chance to snag a pair of barefoot shoes – the Saucony Hattori AW – at a low price, I decided to see what all the fuss was about. Unfortunately, I had to purchase them online, meaning I was rolling the dice a bit. I owned a pair of Saucony Guides, and they had served me well, and the online reviews of the Hattoris were mostly positive. I figured I could use them for shorter runs and certain training routines in the gym.

When I first took them out of the box, my initial reaction was not totally positive. They were light, to be sure, but also felt, well, just a little cheap. The Hattori AW (the AW stands for “All Weather”) comes in black only, and the laceless design makes them look like rugged golf socks.

Minimalist.

The normal, non-all weather Hattori's come in lively color combinations, but don’t offer as much warmth for cold, rainy runs due to a different choice of material.

Despite the water resistant construction, the Hattori AW still carries all the hallmarks expected of minimalist shoes, from the extremely limited cushioning to the zero drop. (That is, no offset from heel to toe. -ed.)

Saucony v. Saucony. Size 10.

The Hattori’s sole is lightly reinforced at the heel, the ball of the foot, and at the big toe. This struck me as a little odd, considering the goal is to strike at the midfoot (in fact, heelstriking in a minimalist shoe is a recipe for injury). But, hey, it works.

Nice soul.

I started my first run full of nerves and trepidation, worried that I’d roll my ankle in the first quarter mile. It took about ten minutes before I could think about anything other than how much it would hurt to tear various important ligaments in my feet and/or knees. Once I found my stride, however, the “shoes” felt pretty good. I actually ran a little bit further than I had intended.

The fit is a little snug with the AW, too tight to wear anything but thin socks underneath. That’s probably okay, because they didn’t seem super breathable and they can get a bit warm. Quick turns are problematic. Sprinting was awkward at first, as I had to keep my stride short and increase my turnover.  I’m pretty sure that’s what you’re supposed to do, but heavily-padded shoes create some bad habits.

Unfortunately, thanks to near drought conditions in these parts, I haven't yet been able to test experience the joys of the claimed all-weather capability, but we'll see what the next few months have to offer.

Overall, I’m pleased with my first minimalist shoe experience. Barefoot shoes might not be all that fashionable, but I’m starting to see the allure. If you want to try barefoot running and don’t want gravel and shards of glass embedded in your feet, give these guys a try.

Verdict: 8/10 Gavels

Get 'em here: Saucony Hattori AW

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DISCOVERY & REVIEW: THE CLYMB

Between the ski gear and the bike gear and the kayak gear and the trekking gear and the camping gear and the climbing gear and the gear gear, living the sporting life gets hella expensive. Hella quick.

With the upcoming fall camping and winter ski seasons barreling at me like an ambulance to a double black diamond on townie day, I had to find another solution for my hardware source. But who could save me the cash I need on the brands I want? (No, this isn't an ad. -ed.)

Blam:

The Clymb


INSPIRING ADVENTURES, SAVING YOU MOUNTAINS OF CASH

How do savings of up to 70% below retail on big-time outdoor brands strike you and your ever shrinking wallet? The deals swap about every three days, so you never know what you're going to get. Which isn't really a big problem when you're scoring mad kizzy on awesome brands like Kelty, Litespeed and Fjällräven.

Per their FAQ, The Clymb's offerings are not defective merchandise, factory seconds or knock-offs. They are an authorized dealer of 100% authentic hardware. Rather than ordering in advance like most retailers, it sounds like they operate in a similar fashion to stores like T.J. Maxx. Picking up gear last minute and passing the savings straight to our dirt-encrusted, calloused mitts. (Minus the ugly purses... -ed.)

Mt. Moneybags beckons.

THE EXPERIENCE

While savings of up to 70% below retail sounds too good to be true, the site appears to be legit. Several orders have arrived clean, properly billed and totally awesome. Additionally, anecdotal evidence floating about the office seems to back up our positive experience. Just keep an eye out. Like Ikea, most of the sales are totally killer, but we've notice a few merely average deals tucked innocently into all the awesomeness. Shop smart and you'll be money, my friend.

Scout's honor.

WELCOME TO THE CLUB

The Clymb is invite only. However, if you do need an invite to this illustrious and elite club, just drop us an email with your name, email address and a few words explaining why you deserve it in the body, and we'll see what we can do...



Verdict: 9 out of 10 Hup-Huzzahs!

Check it here: The Clymb

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THIS IS A THING: 100% VIRGIN BRAZILIAN HAIR

The first rule of the high-stakes 100% Virgin Brazilian Hair game?

Don't sample the product first.

Spotted in Detroit

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BUNKER LIKE THE PROS WITH THE ARMY SPECIAL FORCES FIELD MANUAL

Say you're going up against a zombie hoard. Or a ravaging alien army. Or the Canadians. You want to make sure your hidey hole is properly sited, constructed and protected. You want to make sure your walls are thick enough and your mortars are mortary enough.

Fortunately for you, savvy suburban survivalist, Public Intelligence now offers Army Field Manual (FM) 3-05.230 Special Forces Tactical Facilities online. And it's totes free.

With most everything you need to know about modern battlefield fortifications, it sure beats the hell out of The Big Bear Cub Scout Book.


The Verdict: My office has never been more secure. Or dusty.
Stupid sandbags...

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BREAKING: LUBBOCK COUNTY V. OBAMA'S UN IN EPIC CIVIL WAR CAGE MATCH

According to a CNN report, Lubbock County Judge Tom Head recently proclaimed that if Obama gets elected, Civil War will break out.

Sure, he could be exaggerating to get a reaction from the so called "liberal media", but the batshit crazy doesn't stop there:

Obama, Head said, will "try to give the sovereignty of the United States away to the United Nations. What do you think the public's going to do when that happens? We are talking civil unrest, civil disobedience, possibly, possibly civil war ... I'm not talking just talking riots here and there. I'm talking Lexington, Concord, take up arms, get rid of the dictator. OK, what do you think he is going to do when that happens? He is going to call in the U.N. troops, personnel carriers, tanks and whatever."

Wait, wait, wait... Let me get this straight... If Obama gets re-elected in a free and fair election by, of and for the people, we're going to have to go toe-to-toe with a bunch of new-age redcoats sporting fancy blue helmets? Whatever will we do? Apparently he's got that covered too...

Head vowed to personally stand "in front of their personnel carriers and say, 'You're not coming in here.' And I've asked the sheriff. I said, 'Are you going to back me on this?' And he said, 'Yeah, I'm going to back you.' Well, I don't want a bunch of rookies back there who have no training and little equipment. I want seasoned veteran people who are trained that have got equipment. And even then, you know we may have two or three hundred deputies facing maybe a thousand U.N. troops. We may have to call out the militia."

So, he's recruiting an Army of well-trained, patriotic deputies to stem the "white tide," you say? Where do I sign!?

Obviously, this elected judicial official - and the COUNTY'S EMERGENCY MANAGEMENT COORDINATOR - knows what's-what up in this piece. So we're inclined to take his comments about the coming United Nations invasion incredibly seriously. But what if Civil War did break out? What would it look like?

As seen in Detroit. (Just kidding! Mostly.)

One could look to great fiction, like the comic series DMZ, in which a domestic uprising leads to national civil war, leaving Manhattan a devastated no man's land trapped between factions vying to the be the most patriotic. (A seriously good read... -ed.)

This doesn't do it justice.

But I tend to subscribe more to the 300 Spartans school of thought. In which, legend has it, 300 Spartan warriors turned back a much larger invading Persian army at the Battle of Thermopylae. Less because of the dramatic historic parallel of a small force of determined fighters standing up to a far more powerful foreign enemy, and more so because of this:

Your argument is compelling.

But then again... Maybe the Honorable Tom Head is right...

This could TOTALLY happen.

Either way, duck and cover, people. It's about to get interesting.



Image Reference: 1) US Department of Defense 2) hoyasmeg via flickr.com, used under Creative Commons Attribution License.

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