And all I wanted for Christmas was an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-hundred-shot Range Model Air Rifle...
(With a compass in the stock. -ed)
Monday, December 24, 2012
HAPPY HOLIDAYS & MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE POST-APOCALYPTIC LAWYER
(With a compass in the stock. -ed)
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
MEMO: COINING THE FAUX-POCALYPSE
The Mayan Apocalypse is coming. (Cue super-scary and totally ominous piano chord.)
Look out! Here it comes. December 21st, doomsday as prophesied by a civilization that couldn't even last long enough to see it, is mere days away.
Late night comedians are freaking out. Crazy people in tinfoil hats are freaking out. The prepper-verse is freaking out/gleefully crossing their fingers. But pardon me if I don't freak the *#$% out. It's not really my thing. You see, this whole "world is going to end" thing is BS shenaniganry based on a sloppy misreading of some crusty archeological artifacts.
See? Also, NASA is awesome.
Unfortunately, for some reason, when people see the name of my blog - The Post-Apocalyptic Lawyer - they automatically assume that I must be really worried about the Mayans. That the 2012 faux-pocalypse is the end all, be all of my belief system. Not true. My Apocalypse already happened. That whole financial collapse way back in 2008? The New Normal? The Great Recession? Maybe you've heard of it?
So I prefer to look on the lighter side of life. The enjoyment side. The "life" part of the work-life balance equation. That's why I advocate going *gasp* outside. It's why I push fitness. Why I advocate being prepared. Why I promote Made in the USA. Why I care about jobs. And pop culture. And politics. And fun. Basically, anything but the 2012 phenomenon. Because life is more than prepping for the end... It's about living. Pure and simple.
On that note, ladies and gentlemen, I'm out scotch.
Which is definitely something worth freaking out about.
Sincerely,
Friday, December 14, 2012
PAL SURVIVAL TEAM #4: JENNIFER WALTERS, SHE-HULK AT LAW
A running dossier/celebration of the men, women and giant green hotties you want on your side when Justice stops prevailing... And starts getting real.
PAL SURVIVAL TEAM #4:
Jennifer Walters, Marvel's She-Hulk at Law
Given that the average Lawyer spends an average of a billion years in school, most of us are pretty damn smart. However, come SHTF, brains may not matter a wit without the muscle to back it up. Hence, I hereby nominate Jennifer Walters, AKA: The Incredible She-Hulk, as the newest member of the PAL Survival Team.The Argument:
Exhibit A: While she lives the life of a meek, mild-mannered attorney at the prestigious firm of Goodman, Lieber, Kurtzberg and Holliway by day, she also boasts the stones, the hawt arse and the incredible strength to impress not only the jury, but a higher power... the Fantastic Four. (You go girl. -ed.)
Now that's a finding.
Exhibit B: She debated Wonder Woman in open court and won.
Persuasive.
Exhibit C: She crushed it on the catwalk. Literally.
(Yes, the catwalk.)
Exhibit D: She used her new "assets" to make the biznitches at her ten year reunion her bitch. And who doesn't love doing that?
It's a Lawyer speciality.
The biggest objection to She-Hulk joining the team? I'm told she's not real...
Or is she?!
Nope.
Case closed.
Image Ref: Marvel.com
She-Hulk and related properties are ™ & © Marvel & Subs.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
MAKE YOUR EDC MADE IN THE USA
Guys take their Every Day Carry seriously, as well they should. But how does one keep it local in today's "Made in China" Amuricah?
- Leatherman Skeletool CX
- Mag-lite XL50
- Wolverine 1000 Mile 744LTD Wallet
- Triple Aught Design FAST pack
It's capable. It's ballin'. And it mostly gets through security at the courthouse...
Mostly...
(Mistakes were made. And now he needs a new Leatherman. Wups! -ed.)
Saturday, December 1, 2012
10 MANLY, RUGGED & OUTDOORSY HOLIDAY GIFTS UNDER $25 DOLLARS
The Internet tells us that to survive in the wilds your gear must be forged from the finest titanium and carbon fiber composites. That tactical buzzwords are more important than functionality. And that, no matter what, your hardware must be as expensive as f@ck.
Well, screw Gear Patrol, Gear Junkie and their elitist ilk. This is not true. Never has been. Never will be. So stop asking yourself, "where can I buy outdoor gear too fancy to ever actually use?" and check out these manly, rugged and outdoorsy gifts you can stuff under the Christmas tree for well-under $25 bucks:
COGHLAN'S STEEL SHAFT CAMP AXE
At 1 lb. 14 oz. it may weight a bit more than those fancy tactical axes boasting DFARS certified, aerospace grade 6AL4V Titanium, but with its forged steel head and steel shaft, it'll get the job done for years to come at a fraction of the toll.GERBER GATOR MACHETE
Up against brush, small firewood and a rampaging zombie hoard? Give the gift that keeps on cutting with the Gerber Gator Machete. Packing a high-carbon steel serrated blade and saw rendered in a scary non-reflective black finish, not to mention the prestigious Gerber name, the Gator Machete is guaranteed to cut through the under-tree clutter. (Also helpful for unwrapping stubborn presents. -ed.)GERBER GORGE FOLDING SHOVEL
Camp shovels are important, if often neglected, pieces of kit. At 28 oz. the carbon-steel-bladed Gerber Gorge folding shovel does the job in style. Plus, whether you're digging a foxhole or digging into a mountain of Christmas dinner mashed potatoes, it does double duty with a hammer surface built into the base.MAGLITE 4 C-CELL FLASHLIGHT
Manufactured in the USA from super-durable aircraft aluminum it has great hand feel, it offers excellent illumination endurance and it cracks some skulls. The choice of Police officers everywhere, no matter which Maglite you choose it's sure to be a choice gift cherished for decades to come. (U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A! -ed.)
HYDRO FLASK 12 OZ VACUUM INSULATED CANTEEN
Keeps your hot drinks hot, your cold drinks cold and doesn't burn or freeze your hands while doing it. After our recent review, I'm a big fan.BRUNTON CLASSIC 8040G COMPASS
With an optic green base, USGS map scales, a state-of-the-art cobalt steel needle, clear liquid dampening and ton of other official sounding stuff, the Brunton Classic 8040G Compass is a great deal on the real deal.YAKTRAX PRO TRACTION DEVICE
Ice is a cold mistress. Cut down on distracting holiday-season slip and fall claims with a pair of Yaktrax. In my personal experience, these things work wonders.
VERDICT: You don't have to spend a fortune to gift like a soldier of fortune.
Did we nail it, or did we fail it? Sound off in the comments below or @PstApclyptcLwyr on Twitter.
GERBER BEAR GRYLLS BASIC SURVIVAL KIT
Even though Bear Grylls has been pretty much discredited as a lying cheater, this kit is not cheating you. Besides delivering survival essentials, like a Gerber Mini Paraframe Knife, fire tinder, waterproof matches, an emergency whistle and more, it also provides you with peace of mind. And who doesn't want that? (Other than Bear Grylls... snap! -ed.)TEXSPORT SINGLE BURNER PROPANE STOVE
With 5,000 BTU's, an adjustable heat control and a large paddle foot base for stability, camp stoves don't get much more simple, or well-priced, than this.SMARTWOOL MOUNTAINEER SOCKS
If you're going to give socks... which I certainly hope you're not... these babies are the only socks worth gifting. Super warm and comfy, with great moisture control, they're a must for padding around the house while summiting K2.VERDICT: You don't have to spend a fortune to gift like a soldier of fortune.
Did we nail it, or did we fail it? Sound off in the comments below or @PstApclyptcLwyr on Twitter.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
FIVE RON SWANSON-THEMED GIFT IDEAS RON SWANSON WOULD PROBABLY APPROVE OF
Christmas and the assorted associated gift-giving holidays are fast approaching. So what do you get that red-blooded, meat-noming, government-mistrusting relative or coworker (probably with a heart of gold) who just so happens to want for nothing he/she can't craft with their own two hands?
Most likely you won't find it a Walmart Black Friday
Gift #5 - Ron Swanson Inspired Flattened Bottle Cap Magnets
AS SEEN ON: Snug-A-Bug Blankets via Etsy.comKEY ATTRIBUTES: Bacon, Eggs and Beer
PRICE: $4.00 USD
MADE IN: Canada, America's 51st State.
SUITABLE FOR: Overpowering less enlightened refrigerator art
Gift #4 - Turf & Turf Ron Swanson Print 8x10
AS SEEN ON: Bill Main via Etsy.comKEY ATTRIBUTES: Who doesn't love meat with a side of meat?
PRICE: $18.00 USD
MADE IN: California, USA.
MEAT LEVEL: Set to eleven.
Gift #3 - DIY Ron Swanson Cross Stitch Kit
AS SEEN ON: Bombastitch via Etsy.comKEY ATTRIBUTES: The best gifts are the ones you can do yourself
PRICE: $13.00 USD
MADE IN: Texas. Just Texas.
SUITABLE FOR: The wife (Or civilized men who appreciate the beauty of fine needle works. -ed.)
Gift # 2 - Parks and Recreation Clear Alcohols Poster, Size A2
AS SEEN ON: CreativeSobriety via Etsy.comKEY ATTRIBUTES: Words of wisdom
PRICE: $40.00 USD
MADE IN: Bloody England (I'll let this one slip. -ed.)
IGNORE: The metric measurements. Because they're metric.
Gift #1 - "Ron Swanson's" Mustache Comb Second Edition, Possibly Carved by the Man Himself
AS SEEN ON: Offerman WoodshopKEY ATTRIBUTES: Mustache grooming, Ron-ness
PRICE: $75.00 USD
MADE IN: America, baby. Just like G. Washington intended.
ALSO SUITABLE FOR: Father's Day
Did I make the call, or did I drop the ball? Sound off in the comments below or hit me up on Twitter.
Monday, November 19, 2012
EXPEDITED REVIEW: WOLVERINE 1000 MILE 744 LTD Wallet
To celebrate the launch of the new 1000 Mile 744 LTD limited-run boot, Wolverine issued an exclusive, special edition wallet. I was lucky enough to get my hands on one.
The wallet is a simple affair, essentially two rectangular slices of Horween "Essex" leather impeccably stitched together on three sides forming a pocket. Stamped with the marque of the brand, the piece offers just enough space to stash a couple cards and a few bills. Minimalist, yet classic, it's perfectly suited to the design ethos of the entire 1000 Mile line.
The pros: It's attractive, made in the USA and totally balla'.
(Plus, it smells nice. -ed.)
The cons: I didn't get a pair off 744's out of the deal.
THE 1000 MILE 744 LTD WALLET VERDICT:
While it's not an everyday carry, the 744 LTD wallet is my new go-to when I want to travel light and look good.
(None of which really matters, because you can't buy the wallet anyway. That said, you can grab the 744 LTD boots at any of the fine retailers listed here, which is almost as good. Just act fast, Wolverine only made 1000 of them. -ed.)
Special thanks to Wolverine 1000 Mile for providing us with this great example of American craftsmanship.
Image Referece: Wolverine 1000 Mile
