BREAKING: DETROIT ANNOUNCES TOTALLY EXTREME X GAMES HOSTING BID

The post-apocalyptic wasteland that is Detroit just announced that it's throwing its tattered hardhat into X Games hosting ring.

And they're backing their long-shot bid with kick ass videos - like the ones below - featuring rally cars, helicopters and acres of RoboCop-esque dystopias created by Detroit craft film producers, The Work.

Despite my sarcastic tone, I, for one, am totally amped about this development. To the eXtreme. Seriously. (He's not kidding this time. -ed.)

Thanks to bargain basement real estate prices, myriad underground music scenes, creative influencers, experimental kick starters, craft brewers, corporate supporters and big-time boosters like Dan Gilbert, downtown Detroit is getting stronger, hipper and less murderier everyday. And I truly believe that the X Games couldn't find a more photogenic, youth-centric and EEEXXXTREEEME city in this great nation of ours today.

So go pound a vodka Red Bull and join the movement at their Facebook page.
(Or tell him he's crazy in the comments below. -ed.)

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MONSANTO THREATENS FACEBOOK POSTER WITH CHEMICAL DOOM

March 29th, 2013 started like any other day. But for one Facebook concerned citizen it quickly took a turn for the eye-irritating and skin burning. Because March 29th was the day that Monsanto Company threatened to spray him with pesticide.

Did a civilized discussion of the benefits and dangers of Monsanto's GMO products and practices warrant such a snide and threatening response?

Survey says, no.

Sure. Monsanto played what is surely no joking manner for a joke with two frantic covering messages posted moments later, but the damage was done the instant some intern at their social media agency hit "post." If corporations are people, as our government  and the Wall Street Journal want us to believe, Monsanto should probably not consider a lasting career in standup comedy. (Or, more likely, brace for a solid face thrashing. -ed.)

What do you think? Funny corporate social media hijinks, or a revealing look at the sordid underbelly of big Farma? Goggle up, and drop your thoughts in the comments below.

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DISCOVERIES: THE HOME PLOW BY MEYER

When the weather service actually starts naming winter storms, just like hurricanes, it's time to take stock and stock up on the latest snow defeating technologies.

But screw all-natural ice melt pellets and discount scraper mittens. My latest discovery is  The Home Plow by Meyer. With which, I can finally live out my most lurid Mr. Plow fantasies without leaving my powerful, high-paying day job.

So tantalizing.

To make things easy for your average home user, the plow assembly appears to snap to your front bumper via a Class 3 front receiver hitch. Meaning that The Home Plow should fit on most SUVs or Light Trucks, like your fancy-pants Mercedes G-Wagon or the now departed Jeep Liberty pictured. (No word on the abomination that is all-new 2013 Jeep Cherokee. -ed.)

This demo does not do the awesomeness justice.

As an added bonus, Meyer claims that this is the only fully automated snow plow on the market for less than $3,000 bucks. (Which is far less than the average eat-in working lunch around here... -ed.)

For more pics, info and your nearest retailer visit The Home Plow by Meyer site. Or follow them on Facebook. Your choice, Plow King.

Follow me to freedom.

Have a snow ball.

More plower to ya'.

Also available in cordless.

Images as seen on: The Home Plow by Meyer

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NOMINATE THE NEW POPE

If you haven't heard, Pope Benedict resigned suddenly today, leaving 1.2 billion Catholics shocked and leaderless. This situation needs a remedy. It's time to nominate the new Pope.

So who should take the pulpit and lead Catholicism boldly into the future? Who shall helm a new generation of teeming masses? Who should claim the chair of St. Peter and doth the kick ass Pop hat?

Now is our chance to be heard. Nominate your selection for the new Pope in the comments below. 

(Or sound off @PstApclyptcLwyr on Twitter.)

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Just to get things rolling, here are my Nominations:

1) Justin Timberlake

2) Deadpool



And now it's your turn:

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REVIEW: THE CW'S "THE CARRIE DIARIES" IS WEIRDLY META

The Carrie Diaries, a new show on The CW, is apparently a period piece about several modern tween girls who travel back in time to the 1980s, where they wear distinctly non-80s clothes and complain about their parents in very non-80s speech patterns while everybody around them acts extremely 80s. Confusing? To this commentator, yes. Extremely.

I'm told that the program is a prequel to HBO's wildly popular Sex in The City, itself a product of the go-go 2000s, aimed at the younger end of the teenage audience. I'm told it's a sweet, slightly saucy, coming of age story starring the now iconic Carrie Bradshaw - minus the iconic couture dresses and signature ripped arms. In reality, it's a confusing mishmash of emotional schlock aimed at angst-ridden girls starring their 1980s-bred parents, circa age 12.

Verdict: If you're a modern tween girl who totally hates your parents because they're the worst, you'll like The Carrie Diaries. If you're a grown ass man who has foolishly relinquished Monday night remote control privileges to his significant other, you're screwed. (Please. Somebody help him... -ed.)



As of this writing, The Carrie Diaries airs Mondays at 8/7 Central on The CW.

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MEMO: ON INFREQUENT DELINQUENCY

There is but one Truth on this Earth: I don't post to this blog enough.

You see, my Associates and I are fortunate enough to have real jobs. Big, important law jobs (among other things) that don't involve making a zillion awesome blog posts everyday. And everyday we collectively dream of it being the other way around... Someday.

In the meantime, as a result, we don't write enough. We don't test enough gear. We don't take enough photos. And we don't make enough awesome new posts for you to read every millisecond of every day. And we're very, very sorry.

On the plus side, there is a way - make that three ways - to get your daily dose of The Post-Apocalyptic Lawyer every friggin' day:

Follow us Twitter.

Join us on Facebook.

Friend up on Pinterest.

It's how we manage to dispense bite-size chunks of wisdom, baked fresh to fill your otherwise average day with smiles. Or rage. You know, whichever.

As always, thank you for your support. We're mad happy to have you on board.


Most sincerely,

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UNBOXING + VERDICT: TRX SUSPENSION TRAINING SYSTEM

New Years Resolutions are bullshit.

Every year they come around. And every year you vow to get in shape via as-seen-on-TV workout equipment. Workout equipment that usually ends up as a  drying rack for your enormous circus-tent-like dress shirts. Huzzah for that.

This year, resolve to quit resolving. Resolve to be a generally healthier person. And resolve to choose a workout regime that you'll actually want to do. Enter the TRX Suspension Training System - a delicious part of the nutritious breakfast we like to call a healthy lifestyle.

Interested? Here's what you'll find when you crack open the box:

The Pro Pack Box, Front:

Fit people show off fitness in badass black and yellow. Pretty standard stuff.

The Pro Pack Box, Rear:

Out back you'll find the contents list. This particular Pro Pack includes the TRX Suspension Trainer model P2, compact mesh carry bag, a 65-minute introduction to suspension training DVD, durable quickstart/workout guide and two "bonus" workout cards.

Pro Pack Box, Detail:

Apparently TRX is a military brat. M1 Abrams Tank, cum strap anchor, not included.

The TRX Door Anchor Accessory Box, Front:

Sadly, like the giant, badass tank shown on the main package, the door anchor accessory is also not included... Unfortunately, the same goes the hottie in super-tight short shorts shown in the photo.

TRX Pro Pack Main Box, Inside:

Pop the top and you'll find this neatly packaged intriguing introduction to suspension training. It's a mystery wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a mystery. Give the cord a pull and...

...the mesh carry bag pops out. Surprise!

Inside of which you'll find the actual training straps themselves.

The Door Anchor Accessory Box, Contents:

TRX offers many different anchor options. I chose the Door anchor kit which includes the door anchor (duh) and a warning card to hang on the other side of the door while you carve your masterwork.

The TRX System, Deployed.

Put it all together, and you're ready to rock. Or hang. Or whatever.

The Verdict: A full review will have to wait, but first impressions of the TRX suspension system is solid. Build quality is excellent, the exercises appear to be effective and training with the straps is actually fun. (Sorry, free weights... You're just not doing it for me anymore...) It looks to be a workout regime you'll like so much that you won't have to call it a regime... Or hang your laundry on it. So far, I'm a fan.

Check it out at TRXTraining.com

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REVIEW: LIBERTY BOTTLEWORKS

They don’t teach you this in law school but proper hydration is the first step to success... whether in the field or the courtroom.

Given that it’s unfashionable (and unsustainable) to tote around a vending machine twenty-ouncer and that there are too many re-usable of bottles to choose from, how do you find something that stands out? BPA-free is a given these days, but then what?

Help is on the way.

How about an American-made, 100% aluminum bottle that comes in hundreds of styles? How about one with a lifetime warranty that can be recycled when you finally wear it out? How about one made by a company that donates time and money to organizations like the National Park Service and Keep America Beautiful?

That’d be Liberty Bottleworks.

24 ounces of "hells, yeah."

These aluminum bottles will set you apart from the hordes of Nalgene devotees and can accompany you anywhere you don’t have to pass through a metal detector. The unique three-stud closure system takes a minute to get used to, but so far has stood up to the rigors of billing 70 hours in a single week.

Sound advice.

Should said 70 hour week make you a little shaky, Liberty also offers a convenient available “sport” lid (not shown) that can be used to regulate water flow and minimize spillage... lest your your fancy clothes suffer.

Personally, I'm a Chugga...

Beyond excellent build quality and finish in all four bottles we sampled, Liberty bottles are extremely versatile. While they prefer water, our extensive testing has confirmed that they can be used to carry potable liquids of almost any type.*

*Wink

The Verdict: American manufacturing may be down, but Liberty Bottleworks' proves we're not out yet.

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