HOW TO BUILD A TORNADO SHELTER AS EXPLAINED BY OTHER PEOPLE (NOT ME)

I am not an expert at evading tornado dangers, but I do know that, like many of you, I want to be. So I've compiled a list of resources to help us both achieve maximum tornado safety with the minimum amount of work.

You can boil down the Tornado/Storm Shelter into two basic groups: A) Your basic homemade installation and B) professional prefabricated units. The first may be cheaper and more attractive, but the second route is probably easier pending your cash situation.

It should be noted that I am not an expert. I cannot and do not vouch for the accuracy or safety of any of the options presented here. It's merely a list compiled to help you research the right solution for your specific needs.

A) Here are some hints, tips and plans to build your own shelter:

OFFICIAL FEMA safe room construction plans from FEMA P-320, Taking Shelter from the Storm by FEMA.gov

How to build a tornado shelter by DoItYourself.com

How to build your own 10x6 storm shelter/safe room for under $2,000 by the SurvivalistBlog.net

How to build a low cost Earthbag tornado shelter by the NaturalBuildingBlog.com

B) Here are some sources of prefab units, most made in the USA:

FamilySAFE Shelters
Purveyors of steel above and below ground tornado shelters.

SECUREALL Tornado and Hurricane Shelters
Suppliers of steel aboveground safe rooms.

Cozy Caverns Storm Shelters
Manufacturers of custom full steel below ground shelters.

The Refuge by Fiberglass Creations, Inc.
Manufacturers of fiberglass below ground shelters.

Tornado Master Severe Weather Shelters
Producers of above and below steel or concrete shelters.

Survive-a-Storm Storm Shelters and Tornado Shelters
Builders of steel above and below ground residential storm shelters, survival bunkers, community safe rooms and bulletproof panic rooms.

Flat Safe Tornado Shelters
Makers of flat lid, in floor shelters made from hot dip galvanized steel or Fiber Reinforced Plastic/Polymer.


Verdict: Heads down and spirits up. Good luck out there, people.



Image: US Air Guard responds to Moore, Ok Tornado via US Air Force Material Command.

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MEMO: GO THE $&#% HOME (NSFW, LANG)

Even after all this time the New Normal is a relentless mistress.

Despite signs that the economy is finally taking a minor, tiny, itty bitty, ever-so-slight turn for the better, your work life is / has been / will always be a lagging indicator. As a generation, we the American people, are still pulling longer and harder hours for stagnant pay just to eke out whatever statistically higher productivity gains our enlightened MBA's manage to falsify into questionable Excel documents. (Overruled! Hearsay! -ed.)

So how do we take control? How do we normalize hours? Reset the work/life balance? see the sunlight? Meet our first born child?

Well, here's the first rational advice I've ever heard:

Go. The Fuck. Home.

Go tell it on the mountain, Pam Selle.

So let's do it.

Turn it off.

Shut it down.

Let's go The Fuck home.



Image: C.P.Storm via flickr, Used Under Creative Commons, Attribution.

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DISCOVERIES: THE ALL-NEW 2014 GMC SIERRA 1500 ALL TERRAIN 4x4

This is America. In America, we love trucks.

And, as an American, I am officially duty bound to love trucks, too. None more than the all-new 2014 GMC Sierra All Terrain. (Much to the detriment of his marriage... -ed.)

To the standard - and completely revamped - GMC Sierra platform, the All Terrain ups the ante with loads of off-road hardware. We're talking functional stuff, like on upgraded Z71 off-road suspension with Rancho® Tenneco shocks, Hill Descent Control, front recovery hooks, an automatic locking rear differential and a comprehensive transfer case shield - not to mention, beefy 18-inch wheels wrapped in meaty, red-blooded off-road tires.

Style-wise, like all lawyers, I tend to judge a book by it's power tie, so the dapper HID/LED headlights, exclusive available ebony interior and unique exterior appearance package don't disappoint.

No, the All Terrain is not as stupid dramatic as the Ford Raptor or the Ram Power Wagon, but it also doesn't look quite as stupid rolling up to lucrative Client lunches... which definitely makes it tops in my roster.

'Merica.

Proud byproduct of Flint, Michigan/Roanoke, Indiana.

Verdict: The 2014 GMC Sierra All Terrain is all over my mind... And I like it.

Image Ref: GM News, © General Motors.

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TOTAL MEMEAGE: KIM JONG UN EDITION

The heat is building in the Koreas, so we figured it's time to step back, inject a little humor in the situation and take things down a teensy notch. After all, laugher is the best medicine. Or Potassium Iodide. Whatever.

Sad, but true?

Million man army? Get it?

The less-than-stellar remake.

Did we nail it or did we fail it? (Probably the latter, -ed.)
Sound off in the comments below or on Twitter @PstApclyptcLwyr.

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#XG2D: 10 REASONS DETROIT IS THE PERFECT X GAMES HOST FOR REALS

The X Games is all about EXXTREEEME sports. Detroit is a city of extremes. So what better place to hold the extreme X Games than the extreme post-apocalyptic wasteland that is the City of Detroit?

Announced days ago, The D's bid to land the games is backed by gorgeous videos created by Detroit craft film producers, The Work. Needless to say, I am PSYCHED. And here are ten reasons that you should be, too:

10) Detroit's set design is already done.

Look at these vistas. Both eXtreme to the max and hauntingly beautiful.

9) Detroit has emptiness.

You want to shut down the streets? You want to claim city blocks? You want to jump cars through buildings like high octane wrecking balls? Be our guest. No one will complain. Detroit has already survived a giant robot onslaught and a joint Chinese/North Korean invasion. Gymkhana won't be a problem.

Michigan Central Station Studios.

8) Detroit has density.

Sure. Nobody actually lives in Detroit. (Well, technically 706,000 people - spread across an apocalyptic wasteland larger than Boston, San Francisco and Manhattan combined - still do.) But the Metro region is population packed and well-paid. Enough heads and disposable income to support the second largest theater venue circuit in the nation - just behind Manhattan's Broadway - and three professional sports teams.

7) Detroit has Location, Location, Location.

Easy Driving distance to Chicago, Toronto and 63.7% of the Canadian population. (He totally made that number up. -ed.) Road and rail links to the eastern seaboard. Not to mention, a Delta hub at one of the bitchin'-est airports in the world. Boom.

To your left, Canada.

6) Detroit has awesome Hotels.

The Book Cadillac. MGM Grand. MotorCity. And more sweet-urban-boutique-lofty-hipster-things are on the way.

5) Detroit is fostering a vibrant & growing youth creative culture

Detroit hit rock bottom. And the city has realized that to come back, it needs to change. Anything must go. And it does. Young change agents are flooding the city. Overflowing available housing. And taking control of a place where you can be a big fish in small, rapidly evolving pond. And it's awesome.

Yes, that is a trendy rooftop hipster party, thank you.

4) Detroit has Belle Isle

A beautiful island park designed by the same guy who designed New York City's Central Park, nestled between two peaceful nations and ringed by a recently refurbed, naturally access controlled racetrack.

3) Detroit can do big events.

Detroit is no stranger to epic event pageantry. Take the annual Detroit Marathon, The Woodward Dream Cruise, the Vans Warped Tour, the Detroit Grand Prix, any Tigers evening game or the freaking Super Bowl, for instance.

Full house, all day long.

2) Detroit loves cars. And motorcycles. And anything with wheels.

The city put the world on wheels, and it's never forgotten those roots. They still build cars. They even build bikes. Because the good people of Metro Detroit build a passion for locomotion that you won't find anywhere else. Which means mega crowds for rally cars, trick motorcycles and skateboards aren't a stretch.

1) Detroit is making headlines.

Detroit is an integral part of the national zeitgeist right now. It's in the media. It's in advertising. Put them together, and it spells buzz, coverage and eyeballs.

Rally Caps activated.

Detroit is a city of extremes. A city that's down and out. And a city that's on the rise. A city where old is new. And new is old. Where poverty and wealth and desolation and promise collide, creating the crossroads of a generation. Our generation.

And that's why Detroit is the perfect place to host the X Games.


Join the movement at the X Games Detroit Bid on Facebook.

Did we nail it, or did we fail it?
Sound off in the comments below, or hit us on Twitter @PstApclyptcLwyr.

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BREAKING: DETROIT ANNOUNCES TOTALLY EXTREME X GAMES HOSTING BID

The post-apocalyptic wasteland that is Detroit just announced that it's throwing its tattered hardhat into X Games hosting ring.

And they're backing their long-shot bid with kick ass videos - like the ones below - featuring rally cars, helicopters and acres of RoboCop-esque dystopias created by Detroit craft film producers, The Work.

Despite my sarcastic tone, I, for one, am totally amped about this development. To the eXtreme. Seriously. (He's not kidding this time. -ed.)

Thanks to bargain basement real estate prices, myriad underground music scenes, creative influencers, experimental kick starters, craft brewers, corporate supporters and big-time boosters like Dan Gilbert, downtown Detroit is getting stronger, hipper and less murderier everyday. And I truly believe that the X Games couldn't find a more photogenic, youth-centric and EEEXXXTREEEME city in this great nation of ours today.

So go pound a vodka Red Bull and join the movement at their Facebook page.
(Or tell him he's crazy in the comments below. -ed.)

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MONSANTO THREATENS FACEBOOK POSTER WITH CHEMICAL DOOM

March 29th, 2013 started like any other day. But for one Facebook concerned citizen it quickly took a turn for the eye-irritating and skin burning. Because March 29th was the day that Monsanto Company threatened to spray him with pesticide.

Did a civilized discussion of the benefits and dangers of Monsanto's GMO products and practices warrant such a snide and threatening response?

Survey says, no.

Sure. Monsanto played what is surely no joking manner for a joke with two frantic covering messages posted moments later, but the damage was done the instant some intern at their social media agency hit "post." If corporations are people, as our government  and the Wall Street Journal want us to believe, Monsanto should probably not consider a lasting career in standup comedy. (Or, more likely, brace for a solid face thrashing. -ed.)

What do you think? Funny corporate social media hijinks, or a revealing look at the sordid underbelly of big Farma? Goggle up, and drop your thoughts in the comments below.

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DISCOVERIES: THE HOME PLOW BY MEYER

When the weather service actually starts naming winter storms, just like hurricanes, it's time to take stock and stock up on the latest snow defeating technologies.

But screw all-natural ice melt pellets and discount scraper mittens. My latest discovery is  The Home Plow by Meyer. With which, I can finally live out my most lurid Mr. Plow fantasies without leaving my powerful, high-paying day job.

So tantalizing.

To make things easy for your average home user, the plow assembly appears to snap to your front bumper via a Class 3 front receiver hitch. Meaning that The Home Plow should fit on most SUVs or Light Trucks, like your fancy-pants Mercedes G-Wagon or the now departed Jeep Liberty pictured. (No word on the abomination that is all-new 2013 Jeep Cherokee. -ed.)

This demo does not do the awesomeness justice.

As an added bonus, Meyer claims that this is the only fully automated snow plow on the market for less than $3,000 bucks. (Which is far less than the average eat-in working lunch around here... -ed.)

For more pics, info and your nearest retailer visit The Home Plow by Meyer site. Or follow them on Facebook. Your choice, Plow King.

Follow me to freedom.

Have a snow ball.

More plower to ya'.

Also available in cordless.

Images as seen on: The Home Plow by Meyer

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NOMINATE THE NEW POPE

If you haven't heard, Pope Benedict resigned suddenly today, leaving 1.2 billion Catholics shocked and leaderless. This situation needs a remedy. It's time to nominate the new Pope.

So who should take the pulpit and lead Catholicism boldly into the future? Who shall helm a new generation of teeming masses? Who should claim the chair of St. Peter and doth the kick ass Pop hat?

Now is our chance to be heard. Nominate your selection for the new Pope in the comments below. 

(Or sound off @PstApclyptcLwyr on Twitter.)

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Just to get things rolling, here are my Nominations:

1) Justin Timberlake

2) Deadpool



And now it's your turn:

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REVIEW: THE CW'S "THE CARRIE DIARIES" IS WEIRDLY META

The Carrie Diaries, a new show on The CW, is apparently a period piece about several modern tween girls who travel back in time to the 1980s, where they wear distinctly non-80s clothes and complain about their parents in very non-80s speech patterns while everybody around them acts extremely 80s. Confusing? To this commentator, yes. Extremely.

I'm told that the program is a prequel to HBO's wildly popular Sex in The City, itself a product of the go-go 2000s, aimed at the younger end of the teenage audience. I'm told it's a sweet, slightly saucy, coming of age story starring the now iconic Carrie Bradshaw - minus the iconic couture dresses and signature ripped arms. In reality, it's a confusing mishmash of emotional schlock aimed at angst-ridden girls starring their 1980s-bred parents, circa age 12.

Verdict: If you're a modern tween girl who totally hates your parents because they're the worst, you'll like The Carrie Diaries. If you're a grown ass man who has foolishly relinquished Monday night remote control privileges to his significant other, you're screwed. (Please. Somebody help him... -ed.)



As of this writing, The Carrie Diaries airs Mondays at 8/7 Central on The CW.

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MEMO: ON INFREQUENT DELINQUENCY

There is but one Truth on this Earth: I don't post to this blog enough.

You see, my Associates and I are fortunate enough to have real jobs. Big, important law jobs (among other things) that don't involve making a zillion awesome blog posts everyday. And everyday we collectively dream of it being the other way around... Someday.

In the meantime, as a result, we don't write enough. We don't test enough gear. We don't take enough photos. And we don't make enough awesome new posts for you to read every millisecond of every day. And we're very, very sorry.

On the plus side, there is a way - make that three ways - to get your daily dose of The Post-Apocalyptic Lawyer every friggin' day:

Follow us Twitter.

Join us on Facebook.

Friend up on Pinterest.

It's how we manage to dispense bite-size chunks of wisdom, baked fresh to fill your otherwise average day with smiles. Or rage. You know, whichever.

As always, thank you for your support. We're mad happy to have you on board.


Most sincerely,

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UNBOXING + VERDICT: TRX SUSPENSION TRAINING SYSTEM

New Years Resolutions are bullshit.

Every year they come around. And every year you vow to get in shape via as-seen-on-TV workout equipment. Workout equipment that usually ends up as a  drying rack for your enormous circus-tent-like dress shirts. Huzzah for that.

This year, resolve to quit resolving. Resolve to be a generally healthier person. And resolve to choose a workout regime that you'll actually want to do. Enter the TRX Suspension Training System - a delicious part of the nutritious breakfast we like to call a healthy lifestyle.

Interested? Here's what you'll find when you crack open the box:

The Pro Pack Box, Front:

Fit people show off fitness in badass black and yellow. Pretty standard stuff.

The Pro Pack Box, Rear:

Out back you'll find the contents list. This particular Pro Pack includes the TRX Suspension Trainer model P2, compact mesh carry bag, a 65-minute introduction to suspension training DVD, durable quickstart/workout guide and two "bonus" workout cards.

Pro Pack Box, Detail:

Apparently TRX is a military brat. M1 Abrams Tank, cum strap anchor, not included.

The TRX Door Anchor Accessory Box, Front:

Sadly, like the giant, badass tank shown on the main package, the door anchor accessory is also not included... Unfortunately, the same goes the hottie in super-tight short shorts shown in the photo.

TRX Pro Pack Main Box, Inside:

Pop the top and you'll find this neatly packaged intriguing introduction to suspension training. It's a mystery wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a mystery. Give the cord a pull and...

...the mesh carry bag pops out. Surprise!

Inside of which you'll find the actual training straps themselves.

The Door Anchor Accessory Box, Contents:

TRX offers many different anchor options. I chose the Door anchor kit which includes the door anchor (duh) and a warning card to hang on the other side of the door while you carve your masterwork.

The TRX System, Deployed.

Put it all together, and you're ready to rock. Or hang. Or whatever.

The Verdict: A full review will have to wait, but first impressions of the TRX suspension system is solid. Build quality is excellent, the exercises appear to be effective and training with the straps is actually fun. (Sorry, free weights... You're just not doing it for me anymore...) It looks to be a workout regime you'll like so much that you won't have to call it a regime... Or hang your laundry on it. So far, I'm a fan.

Check it out at TRXTraining.com

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