FIVE RON SWANSON-THEMED GIFT IDEAS RON SWANSON WOULD PROBABLY APPROVE OF

Christmas and the assorted associated gift-giving holidays are fast approaching. So what do you get that red-blooded, meat-noming, government-mistrusting relative or coworker (probably with a heart of gold) who just so happens to want for nothing he/she can't craft with their own two hands?

Most likely you won't find it a Walmart Black Friday Sale stampede. No, you have to dig deeper than the shallow baubles and flat screen televisions that the commercialized military industrial complex prefers to peddle down your throat. You, sir or madame, need a gift of Ron Swanson magnitude. As such, I present to you the top Ron Swanson gifts worth giving this holiday season. Now, go forth and consume, Patriot!

Gift #5 - Ron Swanson Inspired Flattened Bottle Cap Magnets

AS SEEN ON: Snug-A-Bug Blankets via Etsy.com
KEY ATTRIBUTES: Bacon, Eggs and Beer
PRICE: $4.00 USD
MADE IN: Canada, America's 51st State.
SUITABLE FOR: Overpowering less enlightened refrigerator art

Gift #4 - Turf & Turf Ron Swanson Print 8x10

AS SEEN ON: Bill Main via Etsy.com
KEY ATTRIBUTES: Who doesn't love meat with a side of meat?
PRICE: $18.00 USD
MADE IN: California, USA.
MEAT LEVEL: Set to eleven.

Gift #3 - DIY Ron Swanson Cross Stitch Kit

AS SEEN ON: Bombastitch via Etsy.com
KEY ATTRIBUTES: The best gifts are the ones you can do yourself
PRICE: $13.00 USD
MADE IN: Texas. Just Texas.
SUITABLE FOR: The wife (Or civilized men who appreciate the beauty of fine needle works. -ed.)

Gift # 2 - Parks and Recreation Clear Alcohols Poster, Size A2

AS SEEN ON: CreativeSobriety via Etsy.com
KEY ATTRIBUTES: Words of wisdom
PRICE: $40.00 USD
MADE IN: Bloody England (I'll let this one slip. -ed.)
IGNORE: The metric measurements. Because they're metric.

Gift #1 - "Ron Swanson's" Mustache Comb Second Edition, Possibly Carved by the Man Himself

AS SEEN ON: Offerman Woodshop
KEY ATTRIBUTES: Mustache grooming, Ron-ness
PRICE: $75.00 USD
MADE IN: America, baby. Just like G. Washington intended.
ALSO SUITABLE FOR: Father's Day

Did I make the call, or did I drop the ball? Sound off in the comments below or hit me up on Twitter.

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EXPEDITED REVIEW: WOLVERINE 1000 MILE 744 LTD Wallet

To celebrate the launch of the new 1000 Mile 744 LTD limited-run boot, Wolverine issued an exclusive, special edition wallet. I was lucky enough to get my hands on one.

The wallet is a simple affair, essentially two rectangular slices of Horween "Essex" leather impeccably stitched together on three sides forming a pocket. Stamped with the marque of the brand, the piece offers just enough space to stash a couple cards and a few bills.  Minimalist, yet classic, it's perfectly suited to the design ethos of the entire 1000 Mile line.

The pros: It's attractive, made in the USA and totally balla'.
(Plus, it smells nice. -ed.)

The cons: I didn't get a pair off 744's out of the deal.

THE 1000 MILE 744 LTD WALLET VERDICT:
While it's not an everyday carry, the 744 LTD wallet is my new go-to when I want to travel light and look good.

(None of which really matters, because you can't buy the wallet anyway. That said, you can grab the 744 LTD boots at any of the fine retailers listed here, which is almost as good. Just act fast, Wolverine only made 1000 of them.  -ed.)


Special thanks to Wolverine 1000 Mile for providing us with this great example of American craftsmanship.



Image Referece: Wolverine 1000 Mile

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REVIEW: HYDRO FLASK 12 OZ VACUUM INSULATED WATER BOTTLE

For over 100 years there's been only one name in the rugged, outdoorsy coffee storage market. And that name is Stanley.

So when I set off to find the perfect urban coffee conveyance - one with an ideal balance of heat control and professional backwoods cred - I naturally reached for the reassuring Stanley trademark green I grew up with. The very hallmark color that great grand dad trusted to keep his coffee hot and his manhood intact. (Most likely, while hunting ducks from the top of a half built skyscraper. -ed.)

Hark! An alternative approaches...

Unfortunately for me, the  old skoolers at Stanley don't offer said iconic green in a size compatible with the average single-serve coffee slinger found in today's modern offices.

The color in question.

Thus, I faced a puzzler the likes of which my great grand pappy would never have dreamed of. Re-usable water bottles are a mess of compromises. Tall ones don't fit in the Keurig. Aluminum single-wall bottles transmit hot java blisters that make the surface of the sun look appealing. And decorative mugs leave the kind of lasting impression you don't really want to last. Finally, after years of searching sporting goods shops far and wide, I discovered a worthy alternative: The 12 oz Hydro Flask vacuum insulated stainless steel water bottle.

What is this?

It's BPA free. It's fashioned from 18/8 food grade stainless steel. And its easy to chug/clean mouth is larger than your average water bottle. Plus, best of all, its compact stature sports a fancy green finish just close enough to Stanley's that your average lumberjack could mistake the two from a distance of 10 paces. Hence my fervent prayers for rugged appeal in a more convenient package were answered... and my EDC kit is now one Hydro Flask richer.

Why buys abound.

So how does Stanley feel about this color conundrum? It's safe to say, they're probably steamed.


Pros:

• Short enough to fit in some (but not all) office single serve coffee/water machines
• Thin container walls maximize internal coffee volume
• Doesn't burn your hand
• Keeps hot hot
• Keeps cold cold
• Looks awesome
• Feels awesome
• Puts the power of the vacuum in your hand
• Green Zen Matte finish looks damn near iconic Stanley green

Cons:

• Not made in the USA (Despite labeling that could be taken otherwise)
• Silly logo doesn't engender professional confidence/competence
• Green Zen Matte finish looks damn near iconic Stanley green

All in all, the littlest Hydro Flask is a suitable alternative to Stanley when it comes to lugging joe and looking good. (Even if grand dad wouldn't approve...)

Verdict: 9/10 Borderline copyright infringements

(Yes, that means we like it enough to recommend it.)

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BREAKING: 41 MINUTES AND THREE SECONDS OF PAULA BROADWELL LOOKING HOT

Multiple news reports are beginning to detail the sudden, unexpected and scandalous resignation of CIA Chief David Petraeus. Washington and the various cable news networks are all atwitter with rapid, vapid indignation. And, personally, I'm left wondering who seduced the (real) most powerful man in the world

Word is, Petraeus - a capable senior officer, co-author of the Army Counterinsurgency Field Manual 3-24 and orchestrator of the much-ballyhooed Iraq and Afghanistan "surge" - has apparently stepped down due to an extra-marital affair with his biographer; a certain Paula Broadwell. And based on pictures I've seen, it's no wonder he went "All In" with the author of All-In: The Education of General David Petraeus. (Read: Because she's a total hottie. -ed.)

As proof of my hotness hypothesis, I present to you: 41 minutes and three seconds of Paula Broadwell looking hot. She's also talking about something. I think. But... mostly just looking hot... for 41 minutes and three seconds.

She works out.

On one hand, I'm saddened by this changing of the guard. David Petraeus is a war hero, one of the finest leaders to serve our military in recent history and a capable master of the CIA dark arts. On the other hand, daayum! She's hot. Babe. Hottie. All of these things, combined.

No matter what buzz is bouncing around the Beltway, one thing's for sure, at least this former four-star has better taste than Bill Clinton.

Snap.

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CIVIC DUTY 2012: THE TOUGHEST CHOICE YOU'LL MAKE ALL ELECTION DAY...

Neat or on the rocks?

The bad news/good news is I now have to drink both.

(No matter who wins, It's a win-win.)

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